Posts Tagged ‘Funny’
Alternative use #1 for a Cock Ring:
Cock rings don’t have to only hug your man’s business, cock rings make great ponytail holders too! I mean the basic stretchy cock ring, not the complex tickling type of cock ring … They are very malleable to any thickness of hair and will STAY PUT! Much better in a pinch than a basic rubber band, which is thin and can get tangled and stuck in your hair! A cock ring has a nice thickness to it to really grab hold. But watch out when removing because the tackiness of the stretchy cock ring may take some hair with it if you yank it out too quickly. Simply grab the base of your ponytail and slowly remove the ring with the other hand! And boom! Back into it’s original donut shape.
For this demonstration, I used the basic Ringo’s Cock Ring, which costs a mere $2.95! Order a few for your man and you keep one too, and then while you’re getting down with his apparatus, you can have your hair out of your face!
I wrote a little diddy, it goes like this (you can make up your own tune):
Keep your hair in place with a cock ring!
“When your hair is in your face,
and you’re feeling out of place,
Grab a Cock Ring
Grab a Cock Ring!
When you don’t know what to do,
Cause your hair is bothering you,
Grab a Cock Ring
Grab a Cock Ring!
If you’re hair is in your way,
Don’t worry, it’s ok,
Use a Cock Ring
Use a Cock Ring!”
posted by sasha
Guys are competitive – especially when it comes to the gym. If you’ve ever been to one then you know what I’m talking about. Trying to see who can bench press the most, who can do the most push-ups – it’s all about friendly competition. And it doesn’t stop there — guys are also genetically coded to argue over who has the biggest package. Sure, some of us are growers and not showers, but what guy wouldn’t want to have a bigger penis? If you want to get bigger muscles, you have to lift weights, right? And how about making the Love Muscle bigger? Some people are calling him crazy, but I say that this guy was onto something. Unfortunately, sticking your penis through the hole of a weight plate might not be the best way to do it, but I think he’s got the spirit. Wouldn’t it be great if you could lift a hundred pounds with your penis? One-handed push-ups are a great display of upper body strength, but what about no-handed push-ups? How much weight could the penis support, and what is the best way to train the Love Muscle? Scientists of the world, we demand answers!
posted by Dick Dangle
I just had to share this with you. And for those of you who are thinking of committing crimes for sex toys, remember, Adam & Eve has low prices every day. Even on Carmen’s pussy & ass. (I guess it’s backordered right now, but I swear, 2 weeks isn’t that long!)
Don’t commit crimes. And don’t spend $300 on a sex toy we’ve got for less!
Read the full article over at Xbiz.com.
posted by Allison
I’ve never been good at naming things, even though I like to give things their own personality. For instance, my cars are always called “Baby” and my breasts are called “The Girls.” But I know a lot of my friends actually name their body parts, their plants, their cars…you know, with real names. The one thing I’ve never even been able to name, or refer to other than using the words cock, penis or dick, is well, a cock, penis or dick. So I asked my Twitter followers to give me their favorite names for their cock (penis or dick) 
posted by Allison
The 8th Day: A Review by Lilith & Allison pt 2
My general thoughts on The 8th Day -
The 8th Day was fantastic. The story was entertaining, which is rare for adult movies. If you cut out the sex, it would still be worth watching. Amber Rayne is a pretty damn good actress. The sets and costumes are believable. The occasional CG elements aren’t very noticeable or distracting. All in all, the movie is very well done. But you don’t really care about the production value do you? You want to know about the sex, right? Well, there’s sex, lots of it, and it’s pretty damn good as well. The sex scenes flow in and out of the storyline well. Even is all their post-apocalyptic grime, the stars look great. Kayden has an amazing body and is scantily clad for the majority of the movie. Tyler Knight looks super hot in his dreads. My only regret after watching the movie is that the Prince had a non-sex role. I’d love to see that man naked.
You need to see this movie. It’s really long, so block off an evening, grab some snacks and beer and watch the world end.
And now, a continuation of our commentary. If you haven’t read pt.1 you should do so before you continue.
posted by Lilith
The 8th Day – A Review by Lilith and Allison pt 1
It’s always awkward to watch porn with a friend, especially your heterosexual coworker, but whatever, college frat boys can do it, so Lilith & I can do it too. I’d noticed that there was a big lack of explanation about this movie, so I thought it’d be best to get someone to watch the thing and explain to you guys why, in fact, this is the most awesome Adam & Eve Pictures DVD this year. (Also, it’s gonna be available on Blu Ray in September, so watch out for that)
posted by Allison
Yesterday Lisa Ann – most well known for her political satire Who’s Nailin Paylin? – came to Adam & Eve HQ in Hillsborough and we got some exclusive video of her walking through the warehouse. She talked about her most recent, and first!, DP scene and told us a crazy story about “That’s What She Said.” We even got her to play in a bin of sex toys!
If you’ve already purchased Who’s Nailin Paylin? and you want to see some more of that MILFy, breastakular action check her out in Zero Tolerance’s Interactive Sex with Lisa Ann.
Interactive Sex with Lisa Ann
posted by Allison
Sorry, this came so late, butt here you go…something to make your Monday that much better!
Samwell – What What (In the Butt)
posted by Allison
I saw this in the Sun-Times Online newspaper the other day. I just had to share it with you all.
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago my younger sister “Cilla” generously set up college funds for my three children. Each account has more than $25,000. My husband and I were stunned, but Cilla insisted she is making good money in the film industry and wanted to do this for my family.
Three months ago, she came to visit, and through a bizarre turn of events, I discovered that she makes her living starring in adult films. Now that I know how Cilla earns her living, I am no longer comfortable accepting her gifts — especially the college funds. This has caused problems between my husband and me. He thinks we should keep the money because we may not be able to afford three college tuitions on our own. Abby, I don’t want my sister’s sexual exploits paying for our kids’ education.
Should we return the money? And if we do, is it possible to do it without causing a rift between my sister and me?
G-Rated Sister in San Diego
DEAR SISTER: I doubt it. If you refuse her generosity, it will appear that you are rejecting her. Nor do I think your children should be penalized because you don’t approve of Cilla’s lifestyle.
Your husband is being pragmatic; you are being emotional. That money has already been earned. You’re not going to change your sister. You may not approve, but love her for the generous and caring aunt she is trying to be and let the money be used for something positive.
Bree's College Daze 2
posted by Master Bates
Eric John - Porn Star
Eric John‘s Rules for Effectively Staying Up All Night Working -
(developed at MIT & refined further through years of experience)
(1) It is always the day you STARTED staying up until you sleep.
(2) Avoid all acknowledgment of next day – such as “good morning” etc. Fuck that. It is still yesterday.
(3) Drink coffee until you know you can finish – then drink wine. Continue drinking even in morning.
(4) You can always push yourself far further than you think. Don’t be a pussy. Finish.
(5) When you finish, stay up a while more just for the fuck of it. Keep drinking & listening to music.
Do this because you can. And because you are not a pussy. 
Lastly (if possible) masturbate to @GiaJordan the hottest ex-pornster-current-hot-photographer ever. That will help you wind down.
Good morning, you sleeping fuckers. HA!
Not Seinfeld XXX
posted by Allison
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