Adam & Eve's Broken Headboards

July 20th, 2009

Over the weekend I heard a great story from a friend about people having sex in the bar’s bathroom. It goes like this:

She was at the bar, it was early-ish, definitely not 11pm yet. My friend heads to the bathroom and there’s a couple outside of it and tell her she probably doesn’t want to go in there. “The toilet is fine, but the bathroom is pretty much not usable.” So my friend opens the door and there’s the bathroom sink in a million pieces on the floor.The couple was charged for a replacement sink and they’ve never been seen in the bar again (according to the bar staff).

Obviously this horny couple didn’t know the basics of How to Have Sex in a Public Bathroom. Or any bathroom really, because that story was followed up with a different friend catching his friends trying to fuck in his bathroom and they dislocated his bathroom sink too.

So here are some key tips on how to have bathroom sex:

1. The sink is the weakest structure in the bathroom – unless it’s got a cabinet with it. But even then the actual sink is a very weak prop. (I heard this from the HGTV channel, so you know it’s true.)

2. If the bathroom has handicap rails by the toilet, use those. They are meant to carry the weight of someone. Feet and hands can be used to prop you up on those.

3. If there are no handicap rails, try to prop yourself in the stall – feet on one wall, back against the other, your partner holding you up too. I mean, you shouldn’t have to do all the work. If you can’t keep yourself up, put a foot on the toilet. It may be nasty, but let’s face it, you’re trying to have sex in a place where people pee and poo, and occasionally throw up.

So phallused partner should pick up and hold the orificed partner up against a wall or cubicle stall. The orificed partner should attempt to keep themselves propped up by said tips above, and position the orifice for penetration. Phallused partner should assist the orificed partner with the repetitive penetration until orgasm is reached or someone comes into the bathroom to interrupt you. (I’m no Lilith, but I think that was a fairly good description.)

Enjoy! And remember safe sex is the best sex, especially when you’re drunk at a bar.

*Please check your local laws before having sex in public. I believe it might be illegal in some places.

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 20th, 2009 at 8:56 am by Allison, and is filed under Sex Positions, Strange Thoughts and Ideas, Things I Overheard.
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